[00:00:00] Speaker A: Welcome to the Walls of Sparta. It's a podcast dedicated to authentic stories of men overcoming adversity by demonstrating strength, leadership, and healthy masculinity. I'm your host, Greg Pap Nicholas, and you can find me on social media, on Facebook, YouTube, and Greg PCOACH on Instagram. Sparta is famously known as the ancient city of elite warriors. These legendary men defended their homeland with such vigor that they themselves became the walls. The show honors that legacy by showing men how can we remove our barriers and build true inner strength while promoting healthy masculinity and family and in business. The Walls of Sparta is sponsored by the Sparta Code. If you're a former athlete, elite business executive, or entrepreneur, and you know what you're capable of, but it feels like you sort of lost that mojo lately and you feel like your health has taken a back seat, you're not alone. Our society is rapidly evolving, and those of us who hold on to traditional values have a hard time keeping our tools sharp on our own. That's why we created the spartacode. It's a brotherhood of men who value strength, fitness, family, and leadership. But above all else, we are all committed to stepping into our true purpose and leaving a lasting legacy. And we're on a mission to impact the lives of 1,000 men in the next five years. If you have a burning desire to go back to that great feeling of greatness that you once felt, it's time to start living by the Sparta Code. Get the code now@coach gregp.com My guest today is Terry Tucker, who is an author and speaker, and he speaks on a lot of topics on mindset, motivation, and self development.
Terry, welcome to the show.
[00:01:43] Speaker B: Great. Thanks for having me on. I'm really looking forward to talking with you today.
[00:01:47] Speaker A: Absolutely. I really appreciate you coming on. And we always start these episodes with a short question, and it usually leads to a pretty short episode, but I know we'll. We'll kill it. So. So what is the best way to exhibit healthy masculinity in our young men?
[00:02:05] Speaker B: Yeah, I. I think, you know, you sort of have to lose that innocence in a man. I mean, you know, I. I'm old enough to remember, you know, dad worked, mom stayed home, took care of the family, and that was a. That was a, you know, a mutual situation. You know, they worked together for the value of the family. And if there's one thing that my parents taught me and my brothers, I mean, I have no sister. I have two brothers. We were all college athletes. One of my brothers played professional basketball, and it was the value, the importance of family, of loving each other, of caring for each other, of supporting each other. And, and my parents were not overtly, hey, you need to be about service. But both of my brothers have been in high school education almost their entire lives. And if you ask me what I did, I would tell you I was a police officer. So I think our parents modeled what we took up, and I hope our, our children are modeling what we're exhibiting as well. So I think you got to kind of lose that innocence in life as a, as a young man to find out really how life works and what you value and what your purpose on this world is.
[00:03:15] Speaker A: Yeah, I totally agree. I wonder sometimes because I've been in the same situation where it's like you either learn the lessons really early on and you go through those tough parts of just growing up and learning early on, or you have that midlife crisis, or you have maybe a little bit of both.
Is that something that like, sort of happens, I guess, if you don't go through that sort of stage, maybe that rebellious stage or maybe those hardships early on? Do you think it kind of catches up to you eventually and it kind of almost like forces you out of just the universe?
[00:03:50] Speaker B: Yeah, I, you know, we're all going to have something in our lives, whether it's somebody, you know, close to us dies. It's unexpectedly getting let go from our job. It's having a chronic or a terminal illness, you know, that you're diagnosed with at some point in your life. And it's that pivot, it's that turning point in your life where you have to know, and I always believe this, you know, your values are something that's foundational. It's something, no matter where the world goes, you know, it's absolutely not going to move. I'll give you a quick story. One of the jobs I had in my life or one of the jobs I interviewed for in my life was at a. In the marketing department for a packaging goods company. And I spent an hour and a half with the senior vice president and Greg. We talked the entire time about my life growing up, my life in high school, my life in college, playing sports, et cetera. And that was the interview. And at the end of the interview, I got up and I, I said to him, I've got to ask you, this has been the strangest interview I've had. Like, we never talked once about marketing, about business, about my philosophy, you know, on being part of a team. I said, could you explain this to me? He Said, sure. He said, I got plenty of people around me that'll tell me whether or not you're a good fit for our team. Incidentally, I wasn't offered the job, but he said, what I want is to hire people of good character. And I believe character is developed in the first 20 years of your life. So that's why all my questions were what it was like growing up between the time you were born, the time you graduated from college. And the last thing he said to me, I thought was kind of interesting. He said, character, I believe, is caught. It's not taught. So you're not going to read a book and say, you know what? I'm a person of good character. No, you're going to watch somebody handle a situation and be like, man, I really like the way she tackled that. That problem. Or, you know what? I don't think he handled that very well at all. That's how we develop that character. And that character is absolutely hooked or foundational to the values that we have in our life. And I think if you ask a lot of people today, what are your values? I think a lot of people, especially men, would be like, values. What are you talking about? I just want to make a lot of money or whatever it ends up being. You need to know your values to then understand your purpose, I think, to then have your life unfold in front of you.
[00:06:15] Speaker A: Yeah. And that's interesting because it's something I do with my clients, which is a value elicitation. Go down the list of the things that you highlight as your highest values, and then you rank them. Because by the time you rank them, you find some that you didn't even know you had, and you go, wait, this is more important than my freedom and my. My. And love. And it's. It's like. It's almost like people end up in some form of a variation of fulfillment as their highest value. Right. Fulfillment probably trumps a lot of other ones. But it's like. Like you said, we cannot get to that point where we have a defined purpose unless there's something where we could actually rank those. Those. Those different values and even have those.
The types of values that you.
That you place sort of on a different pedestal that are more important other people, that when you ask another person, they go, that's not as important to me. But it's just a different variation of the same thing. Maybe people have a different definition, but I feel like that's a good thing to have those. Those, you know, just to kind of look at them. And see which one is, is most important and, and whether it aligns with your actions. Are you even showing that those are your highest values, that those are the values that are important to you? Right?
[00:07:36] Speaker B: Oh, absolutely. I, you know, society is telling us today, you know, whether you're a man, whether you're a woman, whatever, it's all about me. You know, as long as you get your, your needs fulfilled, then that's all that's important. And, and what I found in my life is that it's about being something that's bigger than us. We've got to be part of something that's bigger than us. And, Greg, I've seen this in my life, and I'm sure you have, too. You know, so many people feel that they're born empty and that, that when they get out of school and they get into life, whatever that looks like for them, that then their job is to fill up their empty cell. So they've got to, you know, make the most money, have the best job, drive the nicest car, have the latest gadgets and gizmos. And what I found is, it's not about, we're not born empty, we're born full. We're born with everything we need to be successful, however you define that term in your life already inside of us. We just need to find it, pull it out, and use it for our benefit. So our job in life should not be to fill ourselves up. Our job in life should be to empty ourselves out with our unique gifts and talents, certainly for the betterment of ourselves, but also for the betterment of our families, of our friends, and of our communities. And I think when you make that paradigm shift in your mind, it's amazing how much better life is for you, because you're never going to fill yourself up. I mean, there's always going to be one more thing that you're chasing, but by emptying yourself out that, that relationship, that connectivity that you have with other human beings, to me, that's one of the most important things in my life right now.
[00:09:13] Speaker A: Absolutely. I, I agree. Now, do you think that's kind of like, do you think identity kind of goes along with that or, or does. Is this something greater than identity that you're. That you're talking about?
[00:09:24] Speaker B: I think it's something greater than identity. It's, it's that connection that especially social media doesn't allow us to have. You know, we sort of stay on the surface, everything's great. Look at me. I'm pretty. I'm. Yeah.
[00:09:35] Speaker A: No.
[00:09:35] Speaker B: And there's a professor, psychology professor at the University of Chicago that does this experiment with his students. The idea is you go out, you get on a bus, and in three questions, you get deep with another person. So you get on a bus, sit down next to somebody, hey, how you doing? Oh, I'm fine. How are you? Question one. Question two. And I'm just making this up. What do you do for a living? Oh, I'm a doctor. Okay. Question three. Have you always wanted to be a doctor? Now, no matter what they answer, they could say, you know, no, I grew up on a farm and I wanted to be a veterinarian. But X, Y and Z happened or, yeah, my mother was a doctor, but she died of breast cancer at 40, and I'm honoring her memory by being a doctor or whatever. They say now you're deep with another human being because they're telling you their why, their purpose, their mission in life. We don't go deep with people. And great. You know, 100 years from now, nobody's going to remember that I was ever here. But I hope what people remember are those connections, those relationships that I have with people while I'm alive.
[00:10:37] Speaker A: Yeah, I. And I think that's so important as we pass along because again, that legacy continues with the relationships that we had with all the people that we impacted. That's why it's so important. You know, I talk about just passing on that legacy to. To the kid, and it's. It's like there. That becomes more. That has a higher value to me than most anything else because now I know that that's going to last longer, that's going to have something that isn't necessarily tangible. I can't hold it in my hand. But if. But if I can give that to. To the next generation in some way, then, you know, your. Your effect on people lasts much longer and, you know, has. Has infinite possibilities.
Now, do you feel. Has that sort of translated in your own life where you feel like, hey, this is one of my highest values, is how I pass on, you know, that. That legacy to my children.
[00:11:33] Speaker B: It really is. I. My wife and I have one daughter. And this week, one of my. My good friends sent me a song. The song is called the Richest man in the World. It's written by a guy and sung by a guy by the name of Ben Rector. And he said, you know, I heard this song today. He's got young kids, he's in his 30s. And he said, I. And I thought of you. And I listened to the song and I literally, it brought Tears to my eyes. It's about a guy who dies and goes to heaven, and he's sitting around waiting to get into the pearly gates with a bunch of other people and they're talking about all the things that they did in their life. And he says, when it's my turn to talk, I'm going to say, you know, I'm the father of a baby girl. I have two sons that love me. My wife has been at my side. I'm famous only to a few of my friends, but because of that, I am the richest man in the world. And I still get choked up when I hear about it. If that's all anybody ever says about me in my life, that to me is a life well lived. It's not how many books I write, it's not how many blog posts I put up there, how much money I make. None of that stuff matters. What matters again? And I'm coming full circle again. It comes back to those connections with each other. And when my. When my wife was pregnant, you know, we went to the obgyn and the doctor was like, do you want to know the sex of the baby? And we were like, sure. And he's like, well, you should buy pink. And I was like, oh, no, no, no, no. Keep it in there till it's done. I have no idea how to raise a girl. I had. I have no sisters, but my daughter and I are probably. Today she's an adult, she's married.
Probably closer, you know, than, than. Than any other human being. I mean, we talk all the time, we send each other little memes. I mean, she is the apple of my eye. And I couldn't be prouder or happier to be her father. But I also understand, you know, I. I've said this. I've had cancer for almost 13 years. We teach our children how to live, but I think over this 13 year period, I'm also teaching my daughter how to die. I mean, the, the benefits of living, loving and laughing and learning are that we're all going to die. And I think that's a benefit worth. You know, those benefits are absolutely worth knowing that we're going to. This is going to end at some.
[00:13:48] Speaker A: Point in time, right? Yeah, that. It's almost like the negative motivation. And I had gone through that same type of thought process too, when, you know, I was trying to motivate myself for whatever I was doing that day, thinking, well, I better get it done, because this could be it. This could be maybe the last day I could walk outside. Something could Happen. Right. And you have that sort of mentality already because you went through some. Some really hardships with, you know, with the cancer. So, so your, Your. Your mindset is like, hey, it's running out, and I'm going to do as much as I can to. To maximize the time I have.
[00:14:25] Speaker B: Absolutely. And, And I think that's what's important is, you know, the old stoic philosophers, I enjoy reading about them, and one of the things they used to talk about was the Latin phrase called momentum ore, which meant, remember death. And I think for all of us, death should be sort of in our peripheral, not something we spend a lot of time worried about, but it should be out there because it focuses us. It's like, you know what? Life's not forever. I better get off the couch and get this done, because as you say, I may not have tomorrow. Tomorrow, you know, may not be something that I ever get. So why not? Why not use today to be the best person I can be, whether it's connection with another person, whether it's starting, something I want to do, whether it's something in my heart, my soul, whatever it ends up being. And so momentum mori is something I think about every day. Death is part of my life, not for the sake of death, but for the sake of living the life that I believe I'm supposed to.
[00:15:21] Speaker A: Right. And that's such that you could tell that that's like the highest value because you get lit up when you talk about it. Terry, I really, really appreciate talking about this and really touching on your experience and, you know, with your daughter and how that's improved things in your life and what's important to you in that regard. So tell us how people can reach out to you and who you serve.
[00:15:44] Speaker B: Sure. So anybody can reach out to me. I have a website, a blog called motivational check. It's motivationalcheck.com. go there and leave me a message. I respond to everybody that reaches out to me. As long as it's in English. I don't speak English, so if you send me another, you know, message in another language, I'm probably not going to respond. But, yeah, I love connecting with people, so please reach out.
[00:16:05] Speaker A: Good. I won't send any Greek.
[00:16:07] Speaker B: Thank you.
[00:16:10] Speaker A: Awesome, Terry. Well, we're going to wrap up here, guys. Thanks to our guest, Terry for joining us and sharing his story of strength and resilience. And you can learn about what he does by visiting Sustainable Excellence author on Instagram as well as his website. If you're a man who has battled the demons and lived to tell about it. We want to hear from you. Come share your story. On the Walls of Sparta, we interview men who overcome adversity by demonstrating strength, leadership and healthy masculinity. Apply for a future episode here at walls of sparta.com and once again, if you know how greatness feels and you have a burning desire to bring it back, get the Sparta code
[email protected] thanks for joining us. On the walls of Sparta, Terry. Guys, remember, victory is near. Earn the shield.
